Are you there God? It's me, Sarah.

Dear God,

 On my quest to redefine who I am and become a better version of myself, I feel that I must have lost my sense of humor somewhere along the way. I say this because I can not understand your funnies anymore... I can't make sense of them at all, I can't laugh with you like I used to. This deeply worries me. 

I must find it again.

Please help me.

Yours Truly,
Sarah E.

TRUTH

"When I go for a drive I like to pull off to the side
Of the road, turn out the lights, get out and look up at the sky
And I do this to remind me that I'm really, really tiny
In the grand scheme of things and sometimes this terrifies me
But it's only really scary cause it makes me feel serene
In a way I never thought I'd be because I've never been
So grounded, and so humbled, and so one with everything
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything

Rock and roll is fun but if you ever hear someone
Say you are huge, look at the moon, look at the stars, look at the sun
Look at the ocean and the desert and the mountains and the sky
Say I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye
I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye

When I go for a drive I like to pull off to the side
Of the road and run and jump into the ocean in my clothes
And I'm smaller than a poppy-seed inside a great big bowl
And the ocean is a giant that can swallow me whole
So I swim for all salvation and I swim to save my soul
But my soul is just a whisper trapped inside a tornado
So I flip to my back and I float and I sing
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything"

Sarah Kay Spoken Poetry "If I Should Have a Daughter"

In my dark moments, I have held out for the sunrise.

Misplaced Lodestar

In my aloneness I shall find Oneness.
and as I wandered out wondering about all the things he said,
I found truth in myself.

Although my lodestar is out of sight,
This footloose nomad will find her way again.
The only luminary body one needs to follow as a guide
is the shining soul inside.

"Welcome! Welcome! Eat Your Cakes." -Half an hour later your head is cut off.

The 3 Mustaphas 3 brighten my blues, they turn my frown upside down and remind me to have a laugh. Even if hysterically. Life is about the journey.

The White Stripes Covering Son House's Death Letter//Grinnin' In Your Face

Soul Nectar

Talk to me again...

The bass tones of your voice,

honey my eardrums.

Today's Tarot Card

The Lovers card affirms my alter ego is a port key to a Soul Mate or deal, whose superpower is compatibility in the midst of reconciling dichotomy to interconnect as a whole new entity or 'color.'

To be or not to be: at ultimatum or rival tensions mounting, negotiating acceptable trade-offs validates our unique perspectives to reflect what each lacks for a balanced voice of truce. When we're together I'm beside myself, so I concede mutual vested interest, incentive or opportunity to my other half for valued consideration. 

For only by the power of self-respect in reciprocal vulnerability, need and compassion do 'me and thee consummate we.' 

The rest is all a dance on the sidelines of Cinderella Pandering or prohibition, or around a Bermuda Triangle of bottom line temptation to cheat by provocation, promiscuity, or shame.
But here at the gate of impasse, I still have a choice and my pride.
 

Homesick

I need to be home.
HOME.AUM.OM.ONE

I feel sick and split.
Divided and alone.

Separated from my own.
Dissociated from this world.

God, if I did not believe in you
I would be relieved of you

Yet, it is my curse that I do...
Now, I bow my head in shame
As what I have just uttered
Could not be farther from the truth

For I know deep down in my soul
That my belief in you, my faith in your command
Is my blessing only disguised as my curse
The pain in knowing I am aware, is simply too much to bear.

And now, my only solace comes in prayer
I reach out to you...
I beg of you, forgive me of my insolence.

Show me what I can't see,
Take me by the hand, walk me in
And guide me through Your land.

Toilet Brained: Note to Self

Sometimes I close my eyes and remember nothing at all
it's good when I want to disappear, just block out all the fkn noise.
But it's me, not them...
it's me, not them
that's fucked up in the head.
Fucked up even more than them,
fucked up in the head till the very end.

and I guess it's true
the world really is just black and blue.

and it hurts even more when you are aware
I thought I had changed
but I guess it was just a phase,
Or at least, that's what the world would have me believe

yeah, yeah
I know. I know
its all just in my head, you said it a million times before.
and I dare you to ask me how I really feel? I dare you to tell me what's real from make-believe

If everything is just a mirror image of how I feel inside
then I guess tonight, right now - everything is just one big fat fkd up lie
I'm upset at the way I behave sometimes
when I really am just selfish, possessive and unkind
acting like a total self destructive ass
it's like an out of body experience and I am looking at myself in shock going "what the fucking fuck??"


I try my best to see the best in all the rest
but thats getting harder with each passing day now...
At the end of the night, I can't wait to get away
Can't wait to be in bed...
alone and safe from all I know
safe from all the triggers
that bring back skeletons from the dead
What if I find that I'm just fkn rotten inside?
would I be able to live with that
or would I fast-forward to the very end?

no, no, truth is its not all me..
its also, them.
I can see clearly for once
everyone else just pretends and pretends
and hey, I never said I was anywhere near perfect
but at least now I try and be really honest with myself
so even when all my fears come running back
I try and see through it, try and push through it
try and progress, without hurting the rest
my intentions are mostly pure
but still seems like a battle at best
but its only me I'm in a battle against.

I try to be fair
you like to compare
I don't think were prepared
to swim against the tide
when all you wanna do is run and hide
I'm in the ring, for once ready to take a swing
and I know I'll win the fight this time
I wont quit till I've done all I can
to beat out this bitch inside my head.
hope she's gone before were dead.


 Save your SARAI

RISK

"And then the day came,
when the risk
to remain tight
in a bud
was more painful
than the risk
it took
to Blossom. "

The Nigerian storyteller Ben Okri says,

"In  a fractured age, where cynicism is god, here is a possible heresy: we live by stories, we also live in them. One way or another we are living the stories planted in us early or along the way, or we are also living the stories we planted - knowingly or unknowingly - in ourselves. We live stories that either give our lives meaning or negate it with meaninglessness. If we change the stories we live by, quite possibly we change our lives."

Eternally Yours//Punch Drunk Love

حبك كالنبيذ بيسكرنى

لمسة واحدة منك تجعلنى اذوب

وجودك قريب منى يملى روحى بالسعادة

ساحبك يا حياتى حتى النهاية.

ReBeL wiTh Me iN tHe MUzIk tHaT We LoVE

  AND wHeN tHe WOrLd dEcIdEs To tEaR Us aPaRt

We'LL sHoW THeM ThAt eVeN tHe STrOnGeSt FoRcEs Of NATuRe

CouLDn'T dEny Our LOvE

Shit Happens (Revisited)

All day I have been telling them

Hey Pigeons - I’m watching you!

I made all the necessary arrangements to avoid it

I used my read-up newspaper as protection under me where i sat

I got extra napkins from my regular french vanilla stop

but in the end, it could not be avoided

no matter what i said or did,

no matter how hard I watched those damned birds

“yeah - watch out the birds, watch out the fkn birds”

it still happened...

There it was, a squirt of poop

it happened in a moment

a single moment when I let my guard down

reading one of my favourite books, Anais Nin

and drinking my favourite cup of coffee

smoking on my much needed nicotine stick

I got up, un-phased but pissed

I wiped off the poopy mishap with my napkin and

left to the loo.

and then minutes later...

returned to the scene of the crime

lit up another cigarette

and said to myself

Evidently.. shit happens...

Now, which one of u bastards did it???

I Must Utter What Comes To My Lips

I must utter what comes to my lips.

Speaking the truth creates chaos.

Telling a lie saves one scarce.

I am afraid of both these.

Afraid I am both here and there.

I must utter what comes to my lips.

He who has this secret known.

He must peep into his own

Lives He in the shrine of peace

Where there are no ups and downs

I must utter what comes to my lips.

It is indeed a slippery park.

I take precautions in the dark

Die inside and see for yourself

Why this wild search afar?

I must utter what comes to my lips.

It is a matter of good form

A norm to which we all conform

It’s God in every soul you see

If he is in me why not in you?

I must utter what comes to my lips.

(Says Bulleh) the master is not far from me

Without him there none could be

That explains the suffering and pain

But mine is not the eye to see

I must say what comes to my lips.

...Kartar Singh Duggal...

When it rains...

When it rains, it pours.. This is true
Strange though how the water seemed to kill the ground this time around instead of sow it’s seeds.

When it rains, it pours.. This couldn’t be more true
Even the flowers were taken by their roots

When it rains, it pours.. This is too true
Nothing was left of the fruits that once lavished the trees so beautifully.

When it rains, it pours… I know this truth

Consume This!

CONSUME
THIS
MOTHER FUCKER!



things and life, and sheep, and ideologies, and thoughts, and insecurities, and sex sex sex, and emotions just flying all over the place then we base

consume
consumer


consumator
alligator masterbator

Oh you will get yours... one way or another.