Mirror, Mirror on the wall...

The other night I was looking at my reflection in the mirror, which then turned in to a starring competition with myself in the mirror. As I was watching myself watching myself something strange happened, it was like that person in the mirror had a mind of her own... It was an almost lucid experience.

I swear I saw this little girl who looked confused as to why she was holding a cigarette, who looked confused as to how her face had gotten that much longer, that much more angular... as to how that scar on the top of her right cheek, right below her eye had gotten there. She looked scared at the prospect that maybe this is the woman she'll become. I felt like I needed to explain myself to her, I felt like I needed to apologize. She seemed upset, maybe even disappointed... her gaze so innocent yet so hurt, so betrayed. I could almost hear her cry just looking at her eyes. I wanted to say something to comfort her, anything... but I couldn't find the words. I wanted to promise her that things will be okay, that there's still hope for a better outcome - but I didn't want to just hand out empty promises like I always do. She deserves better, at least from me.
Then it came, all these flashes of a not so distant past... for a moment or two I felt secure and safe, happy and free, hopeful. Then I looked back at the mirror and the little girl was gone. It dawned on me that I owe her, I owe her everything. I have to make things right.